Saturday, June 28, 2008 @ 11:17 PM
teehee we have like, an Identical Issue. I'm tired
Cynical and broken, but wiser
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith
The focus on the friends and the feelings
That made those stupid songs all worth singing
And don't you say a word
unless you're pretty sure that you want it analyzed
and I realized in time
that it didn't mean anything
Never,
not ever again
Not like that
"It's only a matter of time".
i wonder what it would be like, if i just threw away this life i'm leading right now,
i think i'd feel so much better about myself, and not regret wasting my saturdays on things that Don't Matter One Bit.
today i asked myself, why the hell am i putting myself through this, when it's so tiring and ever so pretentious, i'm still trying to get over the incredulity of it all. &, the irony.
i can't change anybody, or anything. i can only make it better for myself, (&what is it to anybody what i'm doing with my life, anyway.)
and, i will. it's only a matter of time.
time to let go, and i doubt there'll be anything left to say. how can you be afraid of losing something you're not sure even existed?
what's wrong, and what's right?
i don't even know anymore. what's it like, to get wasted and high every night, only to say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness after you've had your fun?
this sounds so, shallow, i know, and even as you(like, whoever you are, idk) read this i'm sure you're making your own judgements and so let me ask you, what makes you think you're so right about things and what makes you so sure you're better, or more righteous, than the rest?
i wonder why i was trying so hard, and why i'm still figuring out if i'm sick of trying yet.
i wonder why you're trying so hard, what are you trying to prove?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008 @ 8:31 AM
i'm really sick and tired.
no, like, really literally very very tired. i hope i don't wake up with no voice tmr, and maybe i'll be sick enough to skip PE. (i don't like floorball very much!) i think it's because i've ben sleeping at 2am and there were germs in the air (but it's totally not shirley's fault she's sick, and she's really really strong, can do all the tests even though she sounds all sexy and sniffy and sneeze-ish)
i've screwed up my work, and it's bloody torture trying to study for test after test after test.
after tday no more for the rest of the week :D
anyway today was really very funny and laugh-ish, cause it was like TUS after lessons. but i got attacked by evil pink/yellow/green markers D: and,
are you staying tmr?
(insert goldfish impersonation)
ha. ha.
i want to, go to Holland v.
&go to ikea for the cool food :D
&sleep in for once in my entire life.
&I remembered something else that made us human: faith, the only weapon in our arsenal to battle doubt
no, like, really literally very very tired. i hope i don't wake up with no voice tmr, and maybe i'll be sick enough to skip PE. (i don't like floorball very much!) i think it's because i've ben sleeping at 2am and there were germs in the air (but it's totally not shirley's fault she's sick, and she's really really strong, can do all the tests even though she sounds all sexy and sniffy and sneeze-ish)
i've screwed up my work, and it's bloody torture trying to study for test after test after test.
after tday no more for the rest of the week :D
anyway today was really very funny and laugh-ish, cause it was like TUS after lessons. but i got attacked by evil pink/yellow/green markers D: and,
are you staying tmr?
(insert goldfish impersonation)
ha. ha.
i want to, go to Holland v.
&go to ikea for the cool food :D
&sleep in for once in my entire life.
&I remembered something else that made us human: faith, the only weapon in our arsenal to battle doubt
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 @ 8:32 AM
catherine&joanna :D
they make the time stuck at tuition a little bit more bearable (:
lunch was real good :D &like quite funny.
holidays are almost over, it's crazy i haven't been able to sleep in one bit :( tuition's at ten am and i'm trying v hard to wake up for it and i got told yesterday that, you're perpetually late charmaine and you're not managing your time well. agree, or don't agree?
i don't need any of this from my Tuition Teacher please :/
now i'm freaking out over my unfinished homework and my FIVE tests next week, idk what i'm doing here when i should be studying.
neverminddd when school reopens i shall see the Usuals everyday and we shall be full time nerds :D
&i miss the Tablemates and the (highlighters? :0) haha and all
i got very wonky last night (i think) and the night before. D:
stayed up till 130 to integrate and differentiate and ended up getting it all mixed up. &SBPP was doing her geog notes v efficiently haha, so i got grumpy with amath and went to sleep D:
the night before was, whatever
&i don't know what i should do anymore, wish i could just run away, the lousy escapist i am
getting really sick and tired, someone make it all go away please
condescension really, really gets to me.
Come on courage, teach me to be shy
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 @ 8:28 AM
we played Speed with giant cards :D and tying knots with megan's string candy.
led worship on saturday morning with megan. yeah.
i went to SA's crib, &holland V is my new favourite cool place.
i do not eat, and eat and eat, always. just, most of the time. :D i'm so fattttt :/ even though i keep telling phina that we mst really stop this, gluttony.
(and i'm NOT lost sheepish, despite what The Usual Suspects think. despite the fact that i am saved as lost sheep on abxs' phone.)
(and i'm NOT lost sheepish, despite what The Usual Suspects think. despite the fact that i am saved as lost sheep on abxs' phone.)
(:
tuition was weird, there's this girl who wears Coach sandals and LV belts and carries around this huge LV bag (even to the toilet, i believe :0)
i do not like people who flaunt their wealth so blatantly v much, but she's my fellow o-level mugger, so i guess we will be galpalzx and she will get me an iPhone by oct :0 (ha, ha)
and tuition's so crazy. it's like four hours a day everyday. I HATE IT IHATEIT
drills on monday was really quite amusing. (and horribly unforgettable /: )
because i was looking at the floor excessively and (who else?) asked me if i was looking for gold on the floor. and if i found the gold yet. (whatever)
&i mean i totally didn't know what the answer was supposed to be
&i mean i totally didn't know what the answer was supposed to be
so i said errrrr yeah yeah i found it.
haha how stupid was that, and how v humiliating :0
i'm feeling, quite fine nowadays :)
&, i'll be there for y'all, always.
i would like to be a Constant :D
(&phina if you're reading this. i'm staying up to do Somebody's present though her birthday was, 1month23days ago. hmm :P )
Tuesday, June 3, 2008 @ 7:12 AM
jubilate
which got me grounded. now my social life ceases to exist. hoho.
but, it was cool to watch :D and to spot people!
children's camp!
i didn't go for like half the thing &i didn't go for night games. how very coolzx right, but anyway it was pretty good anyway :D
(oh look, last year's pictures! so much has changed manzx. tohugh we still sat by the lift and watched people come in and out teehee. and i'm wearing the same shirt!)
i would like to ask You things without changing anything, but that's not possible right now
guess i'll just, sit &wait