good intentions don't mean anything

Sunday, August 31, 2008 @ 9:48 AM

today i talked about outreach with megan. it's really hard and i haven't brought anyone who's stayed yet. i don't even have that much courage to stand up to the extended family when they talk about church&me, like that. i guess i still have alot to learn :/

today my mom showed me this christmas card i gave my grandma when i was nine, &i was kind of sad because she doesn't even know my name now, but anyway it made me kind of happy because haha idk i thought it was kind of cute

okay i'm so lousy no pictures but it's 1am and i rly don't feel like making an Effort to do anything. making an Effort, you'd think things would actually go alright, but ha ha you know what it doesnt work that way after all

so you try, and try, and try, and then what?

anyway, i'm going to try harder and hope my brain doesnt fail me anymore
how many more weeks left, i will not, let, myself, screw, this, up.

Friday, August 22, 2008 @ 7:07 AM

(who cares if it's upside down)

today is Happy Day and i am Happy Girl.

haato + frolick + phina + NO MORE TESTS + friday + CCA points make for a Happy Charmaine.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 @ 6:35 AM

hello, i don't think i've been this disappointed really. now i feel like, i don't know, stupid or something? don't really know how to put it, but i'm going to strike myself off your list before you do that and move on to the next one.

i feel fucked up, thinking about all the time, i mean 1 msg=2minutes, must've sent you a million already.

Friday, August 15, 2008 @ 7:25 AM

candice was back:

i just heard them on the radio avril is coming to town &she was totally totally totally my hero when i was in p6 k. I, WANT, TO, GO, SEE, HER.

TUS icecream party today minus the icecream because the icecream machine screwed up. but there are many many days ahead to have icecream parties anyway:D

i'm glad today's friday even if it doesn't feel like it. tmr = studystudystudybio.

we went to have a look at the NP peeps teehee it was fun:D

i wrote the longest longest really really long letter on thursday night. three foolscaps like the entire page k, i took an hour plus to write it. with appalling handwriting. but still:D i'm, proud of myself aren't you, it wasn't all gibberish, i wrote things with substance k

prelims are HERE, what am i doing here when i should be studying? why am i reading the Time Traveler's Wife when i should be studying? why am i watching Federer screw up and not getting into lousy Semi-finals when i should be studying? (UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT HE REALLY SCREWED UP K)

i keep telling myself it's good and fine, i think it's really not but i still can't bring myself to study someone kill me pls. my wonderful plans of fooling myself into waking up at 5 (not 4 it's too damned early) aren't working they're backfiring haha even getting xishi to call me is useless :/

ohwellll

(idon'thavenomorepicturesbecausepeoplesomehowdon'tsendthemtome)

i feel like icecream. i really really do. idk when we'll go t novena to eat/study/eat. phina makes me feel like eating alot because she doesn't mind eating alot either. and then we go for runs to make ourselves feel better. it's such a healthy way to live, no? :0

it's FRIDAY BE HAPPY, Y'ALL :D

Thursday, August 7, 2008 @ 8:04 AM

that was sunday. SBPP/CUTE day 0308.
&TUS day too. we got priya/praveena to take pictures of us, waving knives and butter andpeices of bread arnd senselessly. (&me, dropping the bread! but it was really very funny)

(i like cartel bread!)

My blood bleeds red
For all those thoughts you left unsaid
Well how could you let your guard down
And let me impose
We’re dying the further this thing goes

Cause it was easiest to hide it all away
And never say what we were thinking
No you’d never catch me blinking that night
Cause I was all of yours

Let me say one more thing before you fly
And this charade is out of sight
I’ve been wrong but now I’m right
So let your precious sky come down on you tonight

Well I thought this would all blow by
And everything would just turn out alright
And this would all be fine

Saturday, August 2, 2008 @ 7:59 AM

HELLO PEEPS

the only reason why i came online was to see if China Buddy replied my email. she hasn't, maybe she doesn't really know english afterall :/ or she decided i was too greedy since the picture i sent her was of me eating :0

anywayyy i met up with rach/el/can for dinner tnight and it was rather fun (: even though everywhere was scarily crowded and we ended up at ps cafe eating 20-dollar sandwiches that weren't even good. but still (:

i am rather happy these days. (: holland v = cold rock + nydc + sbpp &her black cats + my favourite shop with the scary irritant of a shopkeeper. :D yay yay yay
And then maybe i can go buy the two cats ohmygosh there were these two ugly cats in this dinky petshop and i swear they like me, like alot.And i'll go buy them eventhough they're ugly like hell.

ha. ha. sancia's so amusing when she isn't trying to be. (:

somebody please tell me why i'm not studying as hard as i'm supposed to be. the marks are going down down down, the motivation's nowhere to be found and i hope things get better.

tmr is our Day. the Cute/SBPP Day, 0308.

ohyes i should make days with special people. then i can have a day with them all to myslf every year:D

i do not like talking about some things. especially when it's all about to change, and all. sometimes, i would like to run away from myself, &the thoughts in my head.
i don't even know what's thought of me &sometimes i think i should just step back and forget.

well, how about that?