so i was thinking, maybe i don't believe in anything much anymore.
maybe you've been completely fucked over, you just didn't know it.

i realise that you know, only one thing's certain, and one thing never changes. and that's the one thing i've been neglecting, and maybe even ignoring.
but you know, that's going to change.
because when you get right down to the heart of the matter, nobody cares, really. so it's just, stupid or something, to delude yourself into thinking that people really understand and care about you. they can empatize or sympathise i'm sure, but pls don't tell me they actually seriously give a damn, because, they don't.

do you know who your friends are, at the end of they day?

can you be so sure they'd be there. i used to be so sure, but, i really don't know now. and i think, i don't care, as long as i have Jesus yup, and i know that as long as i have Him, it's fine. He's the only thing that's certain in my life, and i guess, He's the only one who'll be there at the very end of the day.


anyway, saturday was rly good, and just what i needed, really. :D
maybe we'll just all end up in ac, huh. i wouldn't mind that:)

we took many many coolz pictures today, :D :D (tried to be artistic) but i do not see juni online :( anyway i keep wearing the same shirt in pictures i didnt even realise :0


today shermaine told me, your birthday is coming! i was like, oh yeah it is!
but honestly? i actually, don't give a damn anymore.

i'm sick of trying, just so you know. just let it all be OVER. pls.

it doesn't take a whole long life to realise that what we deserve to have, we rarely get. i stand up, with that lightning bolt branding the lining of my throat, which makes it impossible to swallow, so everything gets back up like a damned river. and then i lift my fist and punch a hole in the thick white wall and still this isn't enough.

and i like this! haha

now is the summer of my discontent. says:
then i woke up, and then reality hit me like a truck and a notti squirrel in the middle of the road

notti squirrel? :0 what the heck haha
don't laugh high school is so amusing i think i might get abs from laughing. (well, no not rly. but you know what i mean.)

prelims were fine, but they weren't as fine as i'd like them to be. C5 for physics is like awful k. i need to rly get down to it and Study, except it's not as easy as it sounds. i can't bring myself to study harder anymore it's like i've lost my motivation?


actually, i don't even know why i'm studying so hard. getting into a good JC doesn't rly mean you'll do well in life or whatev, does it.
i think i'm losing myself in all this anyway, mourning the horrible grades and studying like there's not tomorrow. life should be more than this i'm sure?


but anyway life's still pretty good. i wouldn't rly change what i have right now even with all the schoolshit.