www.hellolostsheep.livejournal.com

I DON'T UNDERSTAND FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHY GG WON'T LOAD IT'S BEEN AN HOUR OMGZZ

&&& i feel ..stupid.

hello i've got a new name it's Chitch and i will go surfing with Milo and Santu (hahahaha sounds like shit but whatever)

got ss tmr and i still went to play tennis on saturday but yayz quite fun and amusing :D i kind of like these tennis saturdays i just wish i could hit properly hahaha. it was Fat saturday too because i went to powsing and thai express but whatever i like :D

i didn't do anything for halloween just my cousin's brithday thing but still. i hope halloween's funner next year. i've never been treat or treating but we were saying we could've been msnd characters for halloween, how bout that manz. :D

julia said, this week we go sentosa k! but ha ha no cannot D: i hope time passes soon. &i went for yd today. kind of miss it.


i should change my laugh. i sound like, huh huh huh huh huh instead of the usual ha ha ha ha ha ohno :0 but whatever, my laugh is cool like That okay B)

so i was thinking, maybe i don't believe in anything much anymore.
maybe you've been completely fucked over, you just didn't know it.

i realise that you know, only one thing's certain, and one thing never changes. and that's the one thing i've been neglecting, and maybe even ignoring.
but you know, that's going to change.
because when you get right down to the heart of the matter, nobody cares, really. so it's just, stupid or something, to delude yourself into thinking that people really understand and care about you. they can empatize or sympathise i'm sure, but pls don't tell me they actually seriously give a damn, because, they don't.

do you know who your friends are, at the end of they day?

can you be so sure they'd be there. i used to be so sure, but, i really don't know now. and i think, i don't care, as long as i have Jesus yup, and i know that as long as i have Him, it's fine. He's the only thing that's certain in my life, and i guess, He's the only one who'll be there at the very end of the day.


anyway, saturday was rly good, and just what i needed, really. :D
maybe we'll just all end up in ac, huh. i wouldn't mind that:)

we took many many coolz pictures today, :D :D (tried to be artistic) but i do not see juni online :( anyway i keep wearing the same shirt in pictures i didnt even realise :0


today shermaine told me, your birthday is coming! i was like, oh yeah it is!
but honestly? i actually, don't give a damn anymore.

i'm sick of trying, just so you know. just let it all be OVER. pls.

it doesn't take a whole long life to realise that what we deserve to have, we rarely get. i stand up, with that lightning bolt branding the lining of my throat, which makes it impossible to swallow, so everything gets back up like a damned river. and then i lift my fist and punch a hole in the thick white wall and still this isn't enough.

and i like this! haha

now is the summer of my discontent. says:
then i woke up, and then reality hit me like a truck and a notti squirrel in the middle of the road

notti squirrel? :0 what the heck haha
don't laugh high school is so amusing i think i might get abs from laughing. (well, no not rly. but you know what i mean.)

prelims were fine, but they weren't as fine as i'd like them to be. C5 for physics is like awful k. i need to rly get down to it and Study, except it's not as easy as it sounds. i can't bring myself to study harder anymore it's like i've lost my motivation?


actually, i don't even know why i'm studying so hard. getting into a good JC doesn't rly mean you'll do well in life or whatev, does it.
i think i'm losing myself in all this anyway, mourning the horrible grades and studying like there's not tomorrow. life should be more than this i'm sure?


but anyway life's still pretty good. i wouldn't rly change what i have right now even with all the schoolshit.

now, Normal is studying after school + notes on hand during lunch + glancing at notes before i sleep + queuing in front of the library at 955 on saturday + running up the library stairs to get the stupid window seats.

time's crawling by so slowly i swear this week's been the longest of my life. (it's, wednesday?)

today's chem paper was such a disaster, enough of one to make me want to bury my head in the sand and pretend today never happened. i have, never, taken, such, a, horrible, paper, in, my life, DAMN. i made up my own macromolecules today. i made up my own cheng yus in chinese and goodness knows what else. i'll be making up my own language next, says melo. ha, ha,

my prelims are, officially screwed. i should be thinking about Whalerider and the Chosen One and Hermia and Lysander not typing this/ plskillmenow

(&The Bet, i'm going to lose)

i want it to be over so i can have blue hair and no worries omgzzzzz can time just hurry up pass

today i talked about outreach with megan. it's really hard and i haven't brought anyone who's stayed yet. i don't even have that much courage to stand up to the extended family when they talk about church&me, like that. i guess i still have alot to learn :/

today my mom showed me this christmas card i gave my grandma when i was nine, &i was kind of sad because she doesn't even know my name now, but anyway it made me kind of happy because haha idk i thought it was kind of cute


okay i'm so lousy no pictures but it's 1am and i rly don't feel like making an Effort to do anything. making an Effort, you'd think things would actually go alright, but ha ha you know what it doesnt work that way after all

so you try, and try, and try, and then what?

anyway, i'm going to try harder and hope my brain doesnt fail me anymore
how many more weeks left, i will not, let, myself, screw, this, up.